Robert Irwin's recent cover shoot for Stellar magazine created waves. Picture: Christopher Ferguson for Stellar magazine.Source:BodyAndSoul
Has the allure of the emotionally unavailable and uncommunicative 'bad boy' trope finally lost its shine? According to Mary Madigan yes, and in its place is something far healthier.
The bad boy is out, and the earnest guy is in. Yes, along with throwing out your skinny jeans, you need to throw out your infatuation with the bad guy. Suddenly, the men reaching heartthrob status are no longer the untameable guy; it's all about the genuine man. Think of a man that can have an emotionally intelligent conversation over a guy that grunts but looks great in a leather jacket.
Men like Robert Irwin, Harry Styles and Tony Armstrong are the moment because they reflect the value shift. Think socially conscious, environmentally friendly, and sweet. These men are winning hearts not just by being hot but by reflecting the values that matter to women now.
We’ve recently seen a rise in men being praised for being good and kind. Whether it’s the rise of Tony Armstrong who’s made a name for himself by coming across as genuine and being unafraid to call out racism or it’s the never-ending reign of Harry Styles. Sure, his known for being very good looking but his also politically progressive and a champaign of the LGBTQI+ community. The men that are being talked about the most are also men that are doing good.
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The misunderstood, complex man is out, and the genuinely good guy is in. (Although a good guy must never call themselves a good guy; ironically, that's a red flag). Yes, the Jared Leto, Johnny Depp, and James Dean era has ended, and we are ushering in a more woke approach to lusting after leading men.
The 'bad boy' era was one where men were applauded for not being very nice or treating women that well. We all lusted after George Clooney even though he refused to commit to any woman. We all fantasied about Johnny Depp even though he had a history of alcohol and drug abuse. And we all wanted to save Mark Wahlberg even after he almost killed someone. Remember?
These were the men that landed the big sexy campaigns like Calvin Klein and got the ultimate prize of being awarded People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive title. We didn't expect them to be good people; we didn't care about their politics. We just loved them.
I know he's a womaniser and all, but I wouldn't mind having George Clooney as my boyfriend ;)
In fairness to anyone who's ever found themselves attracted to a bad boy, whether it was a famous one or just the guy that chain-smoked and looked mysterious at a mate's party, it was our cultural norm. Pop culture was shoving it down our throat that a good woman could change a bad man, and that was the ultimate love story. From the classics like Grease and Rebel Without A Cause to the teen romantic comedies like 10 Things I Hate About, the trope was everywhere, and if you weren't watching it, you were reading about it. Fifty Shades Of Grey, anyone?
But something has changed. Suddenly being a man that struggles to communicate his feelings and has toxic coping habits isn't seen as sexy; it's seen as sad and, more interestingly, unattractive. It's also not just a shift we are seeing in the famous men that we lust after; it's changing our cultural norms. Now, if I had brunch with a girlfriend and she told me she was seeing a guy that was poor at communicating his emotions and complex, I wouldn't try and theorise on how she could break down his walls. I'd tell her to run.
Clinical Psychotherapist Julie Sweet sees this change as reflective of our times. She said, "Safety. Women seek safety. What's attractive and appealing is a secure functioning man, a solid and trustworthy man, a man who is dependable, consistent, and congruent. Societal norms seem to be changing, and as a result, people are becoming more learned and introspective. With such self-awareness and insight comes further knowledge on deeper feelings, attachment styles, needs and intimate relationships. People are also increasingly accessing resources and utilising support, clarifying what will bring them stability. The 'bad boy' image doesn't represent that."
Depressingly, this shift probably has a lot to do with how women are treated worldwide. In America, there's practically a war on women with Roe v. Wade precedent being overturned, and then more locally, in Australia, domestic violence has been labelled a national emergency. We are barely halfway through the year, and already 22 women have died at the hands of domestic violence. These harsh realities for women are causing a cultural shift and changing what we find hot.
It's a change that Sweet is seeing her patients grapple with; she explained: "In my clinical practice, the shift I'm observing is not so much with these qualities being something new. Rather women are becoming more confident in annunciating the desire to have these demonstrated and overtly seeking such things in a partner.
"Instead of being coy or silencing themselves or playing small or internalising their feelings towards a man, women are moving towards vulnerability and stepping into their power. Recognising their self-worth and embodying the space before them, instead of making themselves smaller, which appears to be something of the past. People are familiarising themselves with green, pink and red flags. They are cultivating negotiables, non-negotiables, deal breakers and personal boundaries prior to entering relationships. Such clarity doesn't align itself to a 'bad boy.'
Truthfully, I doubt we are wholly cured from finding the bad boy hot. But we are seeing a very cool and progressive shift. Suddenly a man also must be good to be heralded on a mass scale as a heartthrob, and how bloody sexy is that?
Mary Madigan is a freelance writer, a lover of complicated coffee orders and expensive clothes and a hater of pubs that don’t have a happy hour. You can follow her on Instagram here.
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